What are racing thoughts?

Head exploding

Have you ever felt like your mind is moving so fast you can barely catch your breath? Sometimes exhilarating but more often than not it can be scary. It feels like you’re on a roller coaster with the wind in your face when your breath is stolen from you, your head spins and rocks back and forth from the inside. I’d say that most people have had spells when they couldn’t turn their brain off, especially when a major event occurs or looms. When you have bipolar disorder the dervish is so extreme you can’t control how fast the coaster goes or when you get off. This state of mind is often called “racing thoughts” and it’s a common symptom of bipolar disorder.


Before I had a name for my condition or before I knew anything about bipolar disorder I called these feelings being “unsettled”. My husband knew that when I had that familiar wild look in my eyes and told him I was “unsettled” we were in for a ride. I couldn’t settle down to anything. I wanted to “do something” but I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I wanted to go somewhere with no idea of where I’d like to go. I wanted to be something I wasn’t. I wanted to implode. I wanted to scream. I was unhappy. I was angry. I was confused and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

I later compared them to buzzing flies around my head, determined to get my attention, but powerless to stop and it felt as though they multiplied the more I tried to swat them away.


So, what were my thoughts? Those racing wild creatures digging and clawing their way through my brain? The best emotion I can compare those thoughts with is discontent. In other words they were almost always negative. Remember when I said racing thoughts were scary most times? “I was useless.” “I was a failure.” “I was overweight and had no control over myself.” “I’d failed in my marriage and wasn’t keeping my husband happy.” “I’d failed to complete college.” “I was worthless.” “No one really loved me because I was unlovable…others didn’t want me.” “I was a terrible friend or they wouldn’t have left.” “I was a hack at my job.” “I was defective.” “I wasn’t worthy of my blessings.” Those are only some examples, but I think you get the idea. A CD on repeat like that would drive anyone to madness. It was during a session of racing thoughts that I was led down a dark path of desperation and suicide. I just wanted everything to “stop”.


I went through times before I was married to my current husband when I took drastic measures to make the thoughts stop in any way possible. That meant taking pills, doing drugs, drinking alcohol or engaging in dangerous behaviors like meeting up with complete strangers I’d met online. I needed anything to numb my brain or slow things down, a distraction from the hamster wheel of chaos in my mind.


I’m afraid I have yet to discover a fail safe solution for racing thoughts. But there are some more natural ways I use to quiet my mind:

      1. Exercise – You’d be surprised what even a walk can do;

      1. Being mindful – focus on tangible things in your surroundings;

      1. Distraction – Engaging activities like cooking, reading, crafting, coloring, drawing, watching television or listening to music.

    These days I know that racing thoughts generally mean that I might be headed toward a manic or hypomanic episode. For me there’s no quick way for relief but one that almost always helps…sleep. My husband calls it my reset button. Of course racing thoughts are the antithesis of sleep, so I sometimes read a book I’ve read over and over again to get drowsy.


    Racing thoughts are extremely common among us bipolar folk and nearly all of us will experience them at some point in our lives. It’s helpful to have a plan of action in mind so that they don’t lead you down those darker paths.

    Songs I listened to while writing this post:

        • Every Breath You Take – The Police

        • Pressure – Queen & David Bowie

        • Here to Stay – Korn

        • The Sound of Silence – Simon & Garfunkel

        • Fix You – Coldplay

      If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide please reach out. Someone cares that you’re here. Call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

      Call or Text 988