We all know I have bipolar disorder. But, it’s not my only neuroses. To my own detriment I belong in People Pleasers Anonymous. I say “yes” to just about anything if I feel it’s what the other person really wants. Why do I feel the need? It obviously stems from a need for acceptance, but where does it really come from?
I’ve read that people pleasers and narcissists have some comparable attributes and I’ve wondered, “Am I narcissist?” They both have an insatiable need to be admired and many have control issues. I see both of those qualities in myself. As a person with bipolar disorder people pleasing appeals to both my depressive side and my manic side.
When I’m down I need praise. I recognize this in myself enough so that my husband and I have discussed it and he knows that when “mamma needs praise” it’s because I feel accomplished in some way or I’ve overcome some obstacle. Sometimes it just means I need a boost to my mood or ego. He’s unfailingly complimentary so we’re a match made in heaven (lucky me). I recognize that I say “yes” most often because I need positivity to counteract the drudges.
Likewise when I’m down I need a sense of control over my circumstances. For me feeling out of control often leads to racing thoughts which aren’t good whether I’m depressive or manic.
When I’m leaning toward mania praise for any accomplishment or control of a situation only adds to the megalomaniac in me. Anything that brings me higher is a welcome addition because when you’re manic there’s no such thing as a ceiling.
The primary difference between the two? While people pleasers may desire admiration they often downplay their own needs. The narcissist tends to prioritize themselves first and may take advantage if given the opportunity. I tend to fall into the former category. This can lead me to downward spirals if I’m not careful and very often gets me in over my head.
Am I a narcissist? Nuh uh, I don’t think so. But, I’ve learned that I should protect myself from an over extension of myself whether I’m high, low or on an even keel. That’s advice that anyone can benefit from.